Girl Power

Do you remember the Spice Girls?  I loved them as a kid.  I thought their music was fun, their outfits pretty damn cool, and the were Brits, enough said.  But while I've forgotten the lyrics to most of their songs, and haven't kept up with who they are or what they're doing now, there is one thing they put out into the world that I still remember to this day: Girl Power.

I know, it's one of those things that's almost trite to put out in the open like that, but there is so much truth in it, it's disgusting.  As women, we always have to have our best interests at heart because it's not likely those around us ever will.

Two weekends ago I met a guy.  We'll call him...Daniel.  Daniel was attractive enough, nice, and according to him very attracted to me.  We met at a local club where you were free to express your more...intimate desires with strangers in an open and safe environment.  He spent the first 20 minutes of our meeting expounding about how I was the sexiest woman there, not even plus-size or bbw, just a little thick, as if his acceptance of my weight was doing me a favor.  And for a good 45 minutes I didn't buy it.  I let him stick around because I was bored and had no one else to talk to at that time.  That was my first mistake.

Later, when I decided he was my best bet for having a little fun if I so chose, it was nothing to write home about.  When I decided I needed a break, he followed me around, hands on my body in some form or another at all times, as if he had the right.  Now, a part of me knew, having been there before, that when you hook up with someone it's possible you stick with them for the rest of the night.  But it's difficult to walk while someone's simultaneously groping your chest.  I pushed him away a few times, but he didn't seem to understand what 'break' meant.  But he also wasn't forcing me to do anything, so I put up with it for a while.  That was my second mistake.

My third mistake was opening up myself to this jerk of a guy, outside the club.  I would never look for a boyfriend in that place, or even a close friend, but I've been on a search for someone to take care of my more physical needs, and thought he might be a good candidate.  So we exchanged numbers.  We texted a bit over the following two weeks, after which I invited him to coffee on friday night.  I figure it's a three day weekend, why not start it off by seeing if there's anything there?

Well, the morning of, he cancels.  His reason was that he'd have to stay late because of the holiday to get some important documents finished, but he suggested we meet saturday instead.  So I gave him the benefit of the doubt and agreed.  Even though I had rehearsal all day saturday and sunday, I was willing to make the effort, ignoring the fact I'd done my hair and chosen a cute work outfit that could also function after hours, and felt my shine dimmed a bit by the change in plans.  Anyway, he let's me choose the place, so I said I'd get back to him.  Meanwhile, he sounds me two disgustingly obnoxious text messages.  The first mentioned being at the gym and aroused, and his 'little guy' (his words not mine) needing kisses.  My reply: "looks like you need to give him some attention when you get home, good luck with that".  The second was him asking me to send 'dirty pics' of my self - which, consequently, I didn't even realize people were still interested in after the age of like puberty or something.  My reply: "I don't think so; don't get confused by the way we met; you may have seen a little of my naughty side but I'm a classy lady by trade."  His reply?  Nothing.  Haven't heard from him since.

Ladies, don't let a man steal your shine in any way, shape or form.  Be you and do you at all times.  Don't compromise your fierceness for the sake of some guy who thinks he's entitled to you because he wants it, especially if he isn't willing to work for it.  No one gets the goodies without putting in at least one solid 9-5.  And if you can't hack it, you don't make the cut.  Simple as that.  Once upon I time I would've texted again, and again, hoping to get a response, maybe even being more interested than initially.  Thinking I could get him to be who I wanted him to be, and not who I was.  But once a reasonable response time had passed (i.e. same day, confirming our meeting in time for me to get ready) I deleted him.  His number, his text messages and his name from my vocabulary.  Mama is classy and doesn't play games.  So treat me right or take a hike!  #fancyfabulousfierce

Guilty Pleasure 1

On my 26th birthday I woke up to find a $20 bill outside my door with a note from my dad saying: "MANICURE we must look our birthday best!"  I decided it was the perfect time to try a gel manicure, which are supposed to last 2-3 times longer than a regular one.  Honestly, they are craze-amaze! (thanks JITB).  The first one I got was a magenta glitter, and the guy who did it gave me the best hand/arm massage ever.  I decided to make it a monthly treat to myself.  And, since summer is officially started (at least where I'm concerned), I'm going through the lighter colors first.  This is Gelish polish #40.  My first one lasted a good three weeks before I noticed any chipping.  This time around, one nail's chipped a bit, but a lady did it this time, and she spent most of it gossiping.  That and giggling about the fact that there was a surprise inspection and people were getting fined for not having proper, up to date cosmetology licenses.  Oh well, manicures are definitely my new thing.  Still not into pedicures though.  Don't like people messing with my feet.  Anyway, go out and treat yourself to something fabulous.  TODAY!  You deserve it.  #fancyfabulousfierce

I am FABULOUS

I found this quote today and it resonated deeply, as I'm currently on a mission to be just that!  I've always loved the idea of being classy. but I find it's often hard to feel that way.  As a +sizer I sometimes find it to hard to feel feminine, even.  I see the skinny girls with dainty angles and search for that same femininity within me, but at times I feel like a whale swimming amongst dolphins.

It's not a completely new concept.  When I was younger my favorite outfits consisted of sweats and a t-shirt, opting for comfort instead of fashion.  But now that I care about how I present myself, I sometimes feel dumpy when I try.  But I'm on a mission to finally discover this part of me, and it's starting with taking better care of my body, mind and spirit: exercise, better eating (with the occasional splurge, I'll admit), manicures (no pedis - don't like people touching my feet!), flaunty fashion, etc.  I refuse to perceive myself the way mainstream does any longer.  I will become my own +size goddess.  #fancyfabulousfierce

Plus-Size: Models

I'd like to start off by saying I'm a plus-sized woman.  And I'm not talking just the other side of a 12.  I mean fully plus sized in odd place and strange shapes.  And as a woman with some meat on her bones, I would have to say I resent the entire culture of "plus-size" models.  I just read an article talking of the hypocrisy of plus-size models.  But where they talk about how plus size models are used to 'send a message', I'm talking about the fact that none of these models are truly plus-size.  I'm sorry, a size 12 doesn't cut it if you can still fit in clothing from at least 90% of mainstream stores.  And Beyoncé?  There is NOTHING about her that is plus size.  Nice boobs and wider hips don't count.  Not where I'm concerned.  How can we imagine that any of these women are 'sending a message', when they don't look like the population they're supposedly representing?  Let ME be a model and wear your clothes, so that others who look like me can relate.

Positive body image is something we pretend to teach our children as they grow older, and then turn around and bombard them with 'thin is beautiful', at home, in the media, even through music.  Growing up I was an active kid, but still I put on weight.  At one point my mom even asked if I was pregnant because she'd noticed a change.  How do you think that makes a 13 year-old feel?  I understand wanting a healthy, active, and fit society, but there are other forms of health as well: mind, soul/spirit, whatever you want to call it.  Self-esteem can do you right or so very wrong, and I believe it's important to get people to love themselves no matter how they look, how much they weigh, what their socio-economic status is, etc.  We cannot as a society continue to perpetuate self-hate and expect there to be no repercussions.

For the longest time I have struggled with accepting myself, wanting to shed pounds and pounds.  Not so much that I could look like everyone else, but more so I could wear the clothes I want to wear.  I appreciate what places like Forever21 that have a plus size section with actually cute clothes.  But their designs sometimes miss the mark.  And I wonder, why don't you make the same exact clothes for us that you make for the smaller sizes?  The only answer I can come up with: they don't mind us looking cute, but they don't want us looking the same.  Then what would they have to talk about?  Harp on?  And this could just be me and my thoughts, but it's something I think of often when I go to a place like Macy's or JCPenney's and their plus-size section is full of clothes that look like my grandma's couch.

There is apparently an entire movement going on that I have never heard of, all about promoting positive self-body-image, and I plan to take part.  I discovered this by checking out The Militant Baker's blog, which led me to Tovar's and beyond.  And I've decided it's time for me to make my appearance.  Which I will be doing this summer in crop tops, high-waisted short-shorts and in anything else I damn well please.  I'm tired of being ashamed of who I am and feeling like I need to change how I look to match what people think.  I think it's about time people got over how I look and start changing what they think!  #fancyfabulousfierce